Without a Word
by Ramblepedia
Summary: Kurt had looked forward to a moment alone to clean himself up after he was released from the hospital. He never thought taking a simple shower would be so difficult.


Posted originally on Archive of Our Own (AO3) under the same title.

"Bash" fic! Because I just couldn't stop thinking about that whole episode and the little things that never would have been on TV because they're part of everyday life.

* * *

It felt sneaky, almost, to slip the warm arm off of his chest and push a pillow in the place of his body. Kurt loved Blaine, there could be no question of that. The strong puppy of a man was wonderful. But he needed a moment to himself.

Everyone had been so fussy since the attack. Of course no one could blame any of them. It was a rather big deal. Especially because he hadn't been the intended victim. He'd stopped their attack on someone else. Unfortunately Kurt knew at least Blaine and his dad had heard the police musing about how that could make him a future target if they wanted revenge. That was, Kurt was sure, an unlikely scenario as they had already beaten him and left him for whatever fate the New York streets had in store (lucky him that wasn't much). That seemed like good enough revenge.

Burt was taking it rather well, all things considered. Maybe it was the years of seeing his son put up with everything that had happened at McKinley. He'd been picked on from an early age and while Burt didn't know everything, he knew it had been rough. And Kurt was still standing strong and fighting after all of it.

Blaine on the other hand? Considering how they'd met Kurt shouldn't have been surprised. He'd gone to Dalton because of bullying and Blaine had been there, ready to step up and help him out. That was how they'd become friends and, eventually, loves.

When it had started getting to be around the time when Blaine would usually head back to his place Kurt had just known that couldn't happen, and not just because no one was available to walk with him.

It had been Kurt's first night out of the hospital. So as Blaine had been turning down his bed and making sure there was a clear and safe path to the bathroom and the kitchen should Kurt need anything and making sure that Kurt's phone charger was beside the bed and the phone was plugged in and that he and Burt were both set up for Kurt to call easily should he need anything Kurt himself had been seated on his stool processing what was happening, the young man decided that Blaine needed to stay.

So he had crossed the distance between them and pulled his fiancé into the bed. Without a word they had found an agreement between the positions of their bodies and had easily fallen to sleep.

Well, Kurt had. The lingering effects of his medication had him falling asleep every time he blinked it seemed. Looking at Blaine now, sleeping so heavily at an hour when he would normally have been up and preparing breakfast, left the impression that he hadn't been sleeping nearly so well. He didn't even stir as Kurt replaced his body with a pillow.

Blaine was terrified. That was plain to see. Seeing his love like this had Kurt wondering what was wrong with him. Why he felt so numb right now. It wasn't that there were no emotions - he felt pride. A lot of pride. All the rest of his emotions seemed to revolve around how he felt about those around him. Worry about their health as they worried about him, sadness at seeing how they reacted when they came to visit him after he'd woken up, happiness that he was so loved.

Rachel hadn't been there. She hadn't come back to see him while he was awake. Sam, ever blunt, had said she was afraid he wouldn't want her there. She hadn't been around the apartment last night either, as far as he could tell. He'd send her a text after breakfast. When he was ready to be social again.

Kurt slipped very carefully out of his bed, taking several long seconds for each movement. His muscles ached horribly even though it had been what, three days now? Since there hadn't been any brain trauma his stay hadn't been terribly long. A fact he was very grateful for as he slipped into his bathroom. His.

For some reason the public-ness of the bathroom in his hospital room had been too much. He'd visited as rarely as possible. Not to mention how people had been hovering around the door whenever he did go. They just wanted to make sure he didn't fall or need help. Kurt knew he was at a physically weakened state. He knew they just wanted to keep him from having a fall and actually giving himself brain damage. The problem was that he hadn't had so much as a breath to himself since that night.

The unconsciousness had only lasted a few minutes. Maybe not even that long though time had become a haze after his body had hit the ground and the fists had started making contact. Kurt had no recollection of the attackers leaving. All he had known that night was the icy pavement. In that moment he'd felt all of the emotions he knew he should be feeling now. The fear, the anger, the hurt. The disappointment in this city. Where were those emotions now? Why couldn't he feel them anymore?

Sheets shifted. Kurt froze and listened, begging Blaine silently to stay asleep. A light snoring followed soon after.

As he peered into his full length bedroom mirror he felt selfish. If any of them had been hurt, especially Blaine, Kurt knew he'd act the same way. He'd done it before with his dad. No doubt Burt had the same revolving door of people constantly checking on him throughout the day and then had to deal with Kurt after school let out. Sometimes Kurt's friends too. For weeks after the heart attack at that. Actually, Kurt found out later that Burt had made a deal with Mercedies to make him go for an evening out to get him to relax because his tense presence was making it hard for his father to deal with the heart attack. Maybe that was why Burt was so laid back and understanding now. To help Kurt stay as calm as possible.

Kurt remembered that night. When he'd come home. He'd seen the redness around his father's eyes. It had been those moments alone that had allowed the man to assess what had happened for himself. He'd actually looked a lot healthier afterwards. Kurt knew he needed a moment now.

Staring into the mirror wasn't granting any answers. The bruises and cuts around his eyes were as angry as they'd been the night before. Kurt had already spent several hours staring at himself anyway. It had been days since he'd been able to moisturize his skin. It was tempting to try now. There was something that required even more attention first.

His hair was nastier than it had ever been in his life. His skin felt slimy too. The nurses had cleaned him up when he'd been brought in, sure. They were required to. Sanitization was a big deal at hospitals and someone who had been left in a dirty alley was definitely not sanitary. He couldn't remember though. That night was just bits and pieces. What he did know was that it wasn't a salon so his hair hadn't been washed, putting that at four days since it had last been cleaned.

There had been a shower in the bathroom but there was no way Kurt was about to try that with everyone he knew plus another half of New York keeping an eye on him. For all he knew letting out so much as a whimper when the pressure of the water hit his muscles for the first time would have earned him another three days in that place.

With the assurance that Blaine was still asleep, Kurt slipped out of his pajamas. Of course he had a button up shirt on. He probably wasn't going to wear anything that pulled over his head for at least two weeks. Maybe three. The bruises on his back were ones that he hadn't seen as often, but he knew they were there. He had been very careful not to let Blaine see those too. It wasn't serious and didn't really even hurt but his fiancé didn't need more things to fuss over. It couldn't be easy, after everything he'd been through, to have seen the person he loved most in a hospital bed for something like this. Kurt could only imagine what it had been like when he'd gotten that call. What it was like to pace around the waiting room and just wait, wait, wait.

Kurt remembered the song. Soft and deep. Distant. But he knew when Blaine had first seen him. He also knew he was too out of it to so much as move his finger to let Blaine know that he was fine. How torturous that must have been, waiting through the night like that. At least the hospital had been open minded and accepted his male fiancé as family so Blaine could stay the night.

He stepped carefully into the tub. All the worrying about his falling over had him cautious. Apparently people with head injuries were more likely to injure themselves again, usually due to falling over. Kurt wasn't a fool. Well, not a complete one. Everyone would always have their moments. This was his. He turned the knob to his preferred temperature range and pulled until it was flowing properly. As soon as the temperature was warm, he tugged up on the shower stopper.

The wail that followed shook all the curtains in the loft.

Kurt threw himself away from the water and felt himself slip to the ground. He put his hands out to prevent his head from smashing against anything but he couldn't see. The pain that rose up in his forehead caused spots to appear in front of his eyes.

The heavy feet on the floorboards were fast and furious. "Kurt!" He couldn't respond. All he could do was try to focus his eyes in front of him. "Kurt!" The curtain was thrown back and he could see Blaine's form there, looking down on him, searching for injury.

"I'm fine!" he finally choked out. "I wasn't...expecting…" He rested his head securely in one of his hands. "I didn't prepare myself for that." It was far too embarrassing to admit the truth of the moment. He flat out hadn't expected it to hurt. Not that bad at least. At least his vision was clearing up. Kurt turned his big eyes towards Blaine as he hoped his fiancé wasn't seeing through him.

If he was he wasn't saying anything. Blaine was quick to toss his own clothes off and join Kurt in the shower. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You were sleeping so soundly. It's not a big deal. Just a shower." Something so simple shouldn't have been so difficult. Blaine didn't respond right away. He just kneeled beside Kurt and rubbed his arms. There was a tension in his touch. Kurt knew he was afraid of causing more harm.

The hands were soothing though. Blaine's mere presence put Kurt's mind at ease and the pain quickly slipped away. Had he really only made his fiancé stay because of all that fretting? When Blaine's arms wrapped around him the doubts bloomed. "Let me help you? I promise I'll be careful."

Kurt had no doubts. Blaine had been nothing but gentle this whole time. It was knowing he needed help that made this so difficult. Perhaps he was too proud. "Ok." He took in a deep breath and held it as Blaine settled himself on the floor and tugged his fiance as close as he could. Kurt felt the water being poured over the lower part of his head. Blaine used a washcloth to get the rest of his hair wet.

They were silent. If not for the massaging of the very tips of those fingers in his scalp Kurt might have thought he was alone now. There certainly wasn't anything else happening in the loft. He was fairly positive Rachel wasn't around purely because she hadn't come running as well. It was for the best. Dealing with two people worried out of their minds would be too much.

Not that he was really dealing with Blaine right now. Somehow his fiancé seemed stronger in this moment than he had all week. Even when he'd been mumbling about hurting those guys if they ever showed their faces again. Like the boy Kurt had first met - wise and strong beyond his years. The man was silent as he worked, his legs tangled with Kurt's to keep their positions steady.

The strength got Kurt's heart racing. It was so easy to be strong when everyone around him was falling apart. He knew he needed to be strong because if he wasn't who would be? Even his father had shown signs of cracking though he did his best not to. Kurt felt warmth swelling at the sides of his eyes.

The shampoo was cold on his skin. Blaine made sure to massage it as lightly as possible into his hairline before using his hands to wipe all the soap away. He was even softer on the back of Kurt's head. Kurt found his body leaning back so he could lay against Blaine's chest. His amazing fiance was quick to shut off the water so no heavy drops got near his injuries. "Is that better?"

"A bit. I suppose this means moisturizer is out for a while?" His lip began quivering. Over moisturizer? Surely not. Maybe he was just cold. On top of that shampoo, the air in the apartment was chilly. "What if I get wrinkles!" His bright eyes locked onto Blaine's. He could feel them glossing over. This wasn't about the potential wrinkles he wouldn't be getting from missing a few days of skin care. His fiancé wasn't panicking now. He wasn't pacing around and he wasn't fretting over Kurt's every little squeak or sigh. He was just watching the man engulfed in his arms. Kurt glanced away for just a moment so he could knot his fingers in Blaine's. He could see the bruise that bloomed where his IV had been and suddenly it was the hardest thing in the world to see.

"How are you feeling?" Blaine whispered. The words were softer than his fingertips. Kurt started to speak. He wanted to say fine. Just like he'd been saying this whole time.

"I don't know." Though he did know. At least he was starting to. He didn't need protected anymore. What he needed was a rock he could steady himself against so that he could keep fighting. He was angry and scared but at the same time he was ready to go to war if he had to. "Blaine, I'd do it again."

"I know." His eyes flicked back up. "I would too. If I had been there."

The entire right side of Kurt's face started throbbing as the pressure of all his repressed emotions tried to burst out through his eyes. Without a word Blaine pulled him even closer and used his hands to shift Kurt's head to a more secure spot. In the same movement he leaned back so that he could use the wall to support his own body. They would be here as long as Kurt needed. And Kurt had a feeling he'd need to be here for a while.


End file.
